My brain is actually sending far too many energetic, ebulliently jovial, endorphin-chocked little memos to the rest of my body, so I'm having entirely too hard of a time actually writing this, but I will do my best. I may also separate this into several parts seeing as I'm barely capable of sitting still. K? K, go!
I fucking love it. I'm making friends, learning a fair bit, and exercising my social abilities in every direction imaginable. I find it incredibly difficult to make friends with people and I thought this was because I was unlikeable. I now recognize I don't care enough to exert my energy on people that aren't worth it, especially the likes of those I would have been so depserate to impress in the past. Do I want friends? Fuck yeah, I do. But, what I have currently is good enough and I'm not going to go out of my way. 'Nuff said. PS - maybe I should do my homework? Yah.
Much to my complete and utter surprise, I received a message Friday that absolutely blew my mind. And, given that this rarely happens to me, it was clearly something surprising. I mentioned my ex in a past entry and expressed my dismay at our lack of a relationship after having spent three years together, and a very close relationship with that. I actually re-read that entry on Thursday and felt rather sad about the entire situation. Not so much in a nostalgic way, where I wanted him back or anything of that nature. I just recognize that there is a large void in my life where he once existed, not just as my boyfriend, but as my friend. Up until Friday, I felt that he was something of a family member to me that had fallen out of contact.
Friday, I opened up my Facebook to find a message from him, and not the message I was expecting. I anticipated rude, angry, condescending, if anything at all. The message was none of those things. It was kind. Sincere. And, I was floored.
We spoke back and forth for a few messages and we've agreed to give friendship a try. I feel relieved. This has been a year long struggle for me and finally, FINALLY, it is settled. And, I can breathe.
:D I think this is relatively self-explanatory and I feel no need to elaborate other than to say the following: I have not been happy and/or functional in a relationship EVER, nor have I been in a relationship with a happy and/or functional person. Thus, now that this is finally occuring, I can't help but to be anything but overjoyed. Life has a very bizarre way of dropping things into my lap, but I'll take it, without a doubt.
I'm fucking thrilled. Life is amazing.