I'm cranky and exhausted and in dire need of sleep even though it's only 10 p.m. and my normal bedtime is usually around 1 a.m. I hate being sick. I've spent the past six years being sick, I don't need to be sick in another context because it only serves as a reminder of the past and god knows I have enough of those. I'm angry at myself for accepting this cold/sinus infection/whatever the fuck as an excuIse to fuck around with my food. I'm honestly not even doing it on purpose - I have zero appetite whatsoever - but, I can recognize my sick, sadistic's mind enjoyment of how weak and vulnerable my body feels, of how exhausted I constantly am. I will never understand this. I'm mad at myself. I'm disappointed that I can't just be a normal human being. I'm tired of dealing with this and I'm tired of dealing with everything in relation to it. I want to go to sleep and stay in my bed for fucking ever because I'm mad at the world and mad at myself and UGH I AM SO FRUSTRATED. And, I am too tired to even write any of this coherently, so I imagine within an hour, I will pass out and wake up good as new because feelings are transient and I am retarded.
I don't want to be sick. I hate coughing and sniffling and taking cough medicine. It sucks. And, I just want to fucking whine about it. Yes, yes, I do. Have a problem? Didn't think so.