Friday, October 23, 2009

I think it's one of the saddest things. Knowing everything there is to know about someone, every intimate detail, and having to cast it aside because it no longer has any relevance to your life. Because that person in question is no longer a part of your life. And, the mind blowing shit that follows me around day in and day out is this - what do you do with these details, these idiosyncrasies, these silly little mannerisms that belong to no one else? What do you do with the dynamic?
I don't know.

I'm not sad about past relationships. I'm over all of them. What still depresses me, however, is the fact that those relationships EXISTED and will never exist again except in memory. And, I don't want the memories anymore. I wish that once someone exited your life, they would take the relationship you maintained with them with them. I don't need the reminders. I've never been an exactly upstanding member of relationships. I've been a pretty terrible girlfriend in the past. And, I'm tired of beating on myself for that. I just wish it would go away.

It doesn't help that tomorrow is my sister's sweet 16, because that in and of itself just makes me depressed for whatever reason, and it's just adding to this and bringing shit up. Oh well.

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