Monday, October 19, 2009


I am thankfully feeling much better physically, which, of course, contributes to a much more stable emotional state, which makes me very happy. It was a tough few days feeling like absolute shit, but I trekked on through and I'm still here to talk about it.

Yesterday, I attended the breast cancer walk in Manhattan, and though it was absolutely freezing and pouring and generally the worst thing to ever happen in the entirety of the universe, it made me realize something great. I walked four miles. In the rain, with wet shoes, wet hair, wet everything, and a sniffle and hacking cough. I kept walking and though I initially wanted to leave early, I stayed the entire time and walked those four miles and felt damn good. Had I still been sick, I would have never, ever, EVER been able to walk those four miles. I wouldn't have been able to even walk one. But, I walked and I could walk and I wasn't exhausted and falling to pieces at the end. I felt refreshed (freezing, yes, but refreshed nontheless) and happy. And, I thought to myself, "This is what life is like."

There are obstacles. There always will be. There are going to be days it rains, days it pours, days where my shoes are soaked and I'm convinced I'm going to contract hypothermia, days where I want to do everything and anything but the right thing. But, I'm ready for those days. They have no power anymore. I have 1000 counterarguments and I'm prepared to use each one. There is nothing and no one in this entire world that could deter me in this recovery. I am so happy to be alive and so happy that I can do things I never could before. I feel so accomplished and so overjoyed. Everything in my life has finally fallen into place. And, though sometimes I wonder if I'll go back, I really don't think I ever will. Not because I don't need to or don't want to, but because it's no longer an option. This is life. I have to keep on trekking through the rain and never give up. And, I'm not. Ever.

Also, I absolutely adore my boyfriend. It's reached a point where I almost make myself nauseous when I talk about him to other people, but I couldn't be happier. I actually feel like I'm beaming and gushing and smiling all over the place because I just can't contain my joy. It's so silly. And, I know he's reading this, so I shall stop now because he already knows all of these things. haha.

The end.


  1. Wow, what a difference a walk in the rain made! I'm glad your here and your using your counters!

    Keep on going!

  2. It's not silly! And don't stop, these kind of things make my day :-D. <3333