Sunday, November 15, 2009

My best friend speaks for these pictures.

"I knew you were thin - you were always thin. And, before you went away the first time, that was no different. You just looked thinner. And, I was so mad at you, even though we didn't talk, for walking around like that."

"Before you left for Florida, it was different. We were friends again - I was close to you. And, I remember pinning your dress back for homecoming, because it was too big, and though I should have been happy, all I could think was, "This person is dying, and this person is my best friend."

These pictures terrify me. The fact that I am the girl in the pictures, this skinny thing made up only of bones and taut flesh, is absolutely petrifying beyond reason and I just don't want to accept it. I just can't believe this is who I've been.

Also, I found this picture of myself from the summer before I left for Florida residential and it is the most horrifying picture I have ever seen of myself. I don't think I can bring myself to post it because it would be very triggering for other people that read this blog, but I have saved it and it is motivation for me to stay better whenever I need it. Many people would see a very thin picture of themselves as a trigger or an obsession. I see it is all the more reason to keep on keepin' on. This picture repulses me. And, sometimes I need the reminder that bones aren't as pretty as they seem, sometimes.

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