Sunday, August 23, 2009


I really do not take pictures often enough, so this will have to suffice. Plus, I find it applicable.

I wish I had written this last night, mainly because I was near high with happiness, but given my utter exhaustion, I didn't. So, I will do so now.

My life has been a complete, inescapable mess since I've been old enough to label it as such. I've fluctuated between acceptance, disgust, and annoyance with this, but regardless of what it was I felt, I was never happy with it. It was rare that something worked out for me, and if it did, I often dismissed it as a stroke of good luck or was too sick, or too stuck up my own ass to notice.

I have finally come to a point in my life where things are no longer so messy. In fact, they are rather clean and tidy. And, though I once enjoyed the mess my life had become and remained, I now realize it no longer has to be.

I'm happy. Understatement. Thrilled. Relationships, for me, have always been, as aforementioned, an absolute shit show disaster. The communication poor, the love, not enough, the bond always dangling by a string. I thought for the longest time that this was how relationnships were meant to be and that I would never know different. I didn't think it was possible for a boyfriend to actually like my family, let alone get along with them, nor did I think I was ever worth enough for someone to come visit me, whether sick or otherwise. In retrospect, I find it bizarre I didn't think otherwise. I wish I had. I probably would've saved myself a lot of heartache.

He has proven to me that I deserve someone worth my time, someone who will appreciate, respect, and care about me whether I'm next door or two states over. I'm so happy I could burst. I'm such a sappy girl sometimes (all the time), but I can't help it. Nothing has ever been like this. Absolutely nothing. And, for once, I prefer it that way.

This is not a mess. Not in the least. If anything, this is the most organized relationship I have ever been a part of. This baffles me endlessly. The thought of something working out is midlly confusing to me, as it often hasn't and often doesn't. I suppose there's a new start for everything, though.

I suppose there is, in the end, even a new start for me.


  1. Just enjoy it. I had one of those moments that you just feel like the joy is going to burst out of you. It's wonderful and thinking of it is one of the things that keeps' me going. See now I'm happy that you had one too.

  2. Jess. Holy shit. This was awesome to read. Seriously, it gave me so much hope and happiness to know that it's possible. It really is uplifting to hear this coming from you :)