Saturday, August 8, 2009

Lake George and Reunion.

Greetings! I have finally returned from Lake George and come bearing many pictures. I have posted only my favorites, as there were far too many taken to post them all.
(scroll over the pictures for captions!)

sibling love
my best friend, throughout it all.
I'm sorry, but nothing is cuter than this. I am obsessed with him.
My face makes this picture, hahaha
The family...and Daffy. Refrain from asking
Nothing better.
I'm special.
Johnny Rocketts' tantrum. Epic.

Though I originally had zero interest in attending this vacation, I'll admit I had a good time. I'll even go so far as to say I had a great time. The beginning of the stay at Lake George was somewhat tumultuous - vacations have a tendency to be very difficult for me and I found myself struggling very intensely and withdrawing nearly entirely. However, I met my battles with a strong face and quick strategies, defeating the voice insisting I skip meals and mosey into the bathroom after whatever meals it allowed me to have. I've come to realize that it is not about the environment, it is about me. Perhaps vacations have not been good in the past (understatement). That does not mean, whatsoever, that every vacation has to be bad because the previous have been. I have changed. Thus, whatever the surroundings, I am adaptable. Food is a necessary ingredient to life and I completely accept that, even if sometimes begrudgingly. I may never look perfect in a bathing suit. I may never been one hundred percent happy in my body. But, I am happy to be alive and that is what matters. My family was very supportive throughout the entire trip and I was very glad and very lucky to have had them there. My stepmom and I have somehow managed to become the best of friends in the past year of so and I couldn't be happier. When I think of how hostile things were between us last vacation, the anxiety in my chest rises to nearly unreadable levels. It was terrible. I am nauseatingly happy to have her in my life, and not as a negative force. There are times I almost prefer her to my own mother, though I could never admit that (oh wait, just did, teehee). The siblings were lovely, also, and both of them had me laughing hysterically the entire trip, something I desperately needed. I adore them both beyond comprehension. It nearly sickens me that I could love two people so fiercely, so passionately, without ever examining their faults, or in AJ's case, what could eventually develop into his faults. I finally understand the concept of "unconditional love" and I am filled with an unfathomable sense of pride knowing I am capable of it. Also, my dad was fabulous as always.

After I returned from Lake George, I returned to work (yay!) and last night, I drove all the way to East Guam (not really) to see Amy and her family's production of Fiddler on the Roof. Chelsea was there as well.
regardless of miles and minutes, you will always be in my heart.

The play was phenomenal and I cannot even begin to express how thrilled I was to see two of my very closest friends at the same time. I could barely contain myself. Of course it made me slightly depressed, especially seeing as I won't be living with either of them next year, or with anyone aside from my family, for that matter, and they were by far the two most wonderful people to spend my days with. I attribute my college life in its entirety to the both of them. The fact that I managed to survive through my spring semester baffles me, but I know they kept me alive, and for that, I am eternally grateful. They are with me everyday, in my heart, and I will never, so long as I live, forget either one of them. I hope they know that.
I wish more than anything that I could rewind my life, to that first day at Adelphi, and do everything differently. That wouldn't prevent Amy's family from moving to Texas, but perhaps it could have granted me more time with Chelsea.
However, I know it is foolish to cry over spilt milk mainly because I've already cleaned it up and poured myself a new glass. I am better than I ever have been and God knows I could have never made it without Renfrew Philly.
Thus, though I will miss the both of them more than I could possibly ever articulate, I know they will both be my friends for life, regardless of whether or not I'm at Adelphi. And, I know for a fact I will be happier with my father and at a new school.
I hope so, anyway.

That concludes my second entry!
Upcoming exciting events: tatto-age with Lindsay on Monday (terrified), seeing CJ Wednesday and Saturday, my cousin's Sweet Sixteen Friday, and my little sister's third birthday on Sunday. Whee!



  1. This was so inspiring to read. <3

  2. Jess, what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. You are truly AMAZING! The fact that you have so much insight as you travel on this bumpy road they call recovery, question yourself then move forward and continue to work so damn hard is so inspiring! And you are WINNING!!
    I miss you bunches and am SO proud of you! Your sense of humor is fantastic! Keep on keeping on! <3 Much much love to you and a big ass((HUG)),too!


    BTW - Love the take a picture each day idea! You're awesome!